I would never forgive myself!
Last night I called my best friend to find what’s up. Though I have been prolonging it, I finally got the nerve.
These days I am 150% happy, would have been a whooping 200% only if my best friend is not in this difficult situation. She is now in the crossroads of deciding what’s best : surgery, hormonal replacement therapy or laser treatment — depending on not only what is the best option for her but what her money and other resources can afford. Life just sucks people. Cancer happens and surgery happens. It sucks more cancer treatments are not cheap.
This person - my best friend (her name is Gemma) - is somebody I’ve known for 18 years now. In between, we’ve gone places, we survived heart breaks, we exorcised ghosts in our lives. Sometimes together, sometimes alone. But each time we meet, it’s just like we saw each other and last talked to each other yesterday only.
There was never a real gap, despite the fact that she walked out on me once in the apartment that we used to share for awhile. When I got home from work, she (and her stuff!) were gone. She was dong her MS En Sci then and left me to live in the college dorm. Imagine. One is sure though, we can never be roommates!
She hated me for awhile when I got pregnant and carried the load alone like I am still doing now. However, when she saw my son, all she could say to me was, she should have gotten pregnant anyways when she was younger! She’s ten years older than me but the age gap did not prevent us from being friends for life.
18 years is half of my life and I have no memory of my adult life that doesn’t include her. I told her that last night and we were both crying on the phone. All her life, she has been to two major surgeries that involved a tumor and the big-C. On both occasions, I was not able to visit her in the hospital. This time I told her I wanna be there and talk to her when she wakes up from the anesthesia. I will never be able to forgive myself otherwise. I will not. Really.
I said goodbye(for now) last night and told her I want to tell her in person the good developments in my life. That is a promise. And if I have a million (even a thousand!) dollars to spare right now, I will give it to her without a second thought.
She is one person in my life who deserves to live longer than she already have.
Hang it there Gems! It isn’t game over YET.
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